Rich Lloyd's Funeral

I just wanted to write down of a few of my thoughts about Rich Lloyd's funeral this week. For those of you who don't know Rich, he was one of my best friends from high school. Last August he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He passed away last Friday. You can learn more about what an amazing person he was here:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/richlloyd

Friday night both my friends, Steve and Blake called to let me know that Rich had finally passed away. He had been in the hospital all week. All that week I had known that Rich's time had come. He was very much in my thoughts each day. I attended a temple session on Thursday morning and thought of Rich and what this experience had meant to him, to his family and to all of us who vicariously passed through this experience with him. So, when the news came Friday night I wasn't shocked. I felt a peace and an assurance that this was God's will.

Sunday morning I got an email from his wife, Marianne, asking me to speak at the funeral. To say that I expected the call would be wrong. I hadn't ever thought about speaking at my friend's funeral until the week before. Once I knew that he was leaving this world there was a part of me that needed to say something, to communicate what he meant to me. So I don't know what the right word is - but I had felt that that call would come.

Tuesday morning on the plane I spent most of the time organizing my thoughts. I had been thinking about it all week but that was the first time I had actually written them down. I have given many, many talks and have literally never written one out. But I knew that I needed to write this one for two reasons: one, I knew I that I would most likely become very emotional and needed some sort of a script to keep me on track and, two, there were some things that I wanted to make sure that I phrased exactly right. I felt the spirit so strong as I went through several drafts and thought about what Rich had meant to me.

Tuesday evening Holly and I went over early to the viewing to see if there was something we could do to help out. When we arrived no one was there except for the funeral directors. Rich was laying in an open casket. It probably would have been a good time to go in and sit with him for a bit, but for some reason I wasn't ready. I busied myself with trying to take care of other loose ends, avoiding the viewing room.

Once the viewing began the place was packed. Most people waited about 2 hours to get to the viewing room. Towards the end I was finally ready to wait through the line. I don't know why but I had to go through the whole process. It wouldn't have been the same to have not waited with everyone else. When I got to the casket I just stood there for a moment. He looked exactly like he had when I had last seen him. It just seemed like he was going to open his eyes and say "My good friend Greggory". It didn't seem real that I wouldn't hear him say that again in this life.

I spent the next morning reading and revising my talk. I was nervous, but in an unusual way. I knew that there would be a gazillion people there but speaking to large groups has never bothered me. But it was so important to me that I might be able to provide comfort to those who were there but a also some measure of understanding of what this whole experience had meant to Rich, Marianne, their families and all the lives they had touched.

We arrived early at the funeral. I saw so many friends that I hadn't seen in so many years. As expected the place was packed. After visiting for awhile I went up on the stand to sit and try to prepare. The funeral began. Rich's brother-in-law read the eulogy and his brother gave a wonderful tribute. Peter Breinholt played a wonderful song with such a poignant message. And then it was my turn.

I pulled the tissues out before I even began because I knew that it was going to be an emotional experience for me. I hadn't made it through the first two sentences of my talk before I was choked up. But it was never out of sadness. During the whole talk I just felt profound gratitude that I had had the opportunity to know Rich. At parts I had to abandon what I had written because I simply could not read the words, my eyes were so filled with tears. As I said before, the chapel and gym were filled to capacity, but I can only remember seeing Marianne, their three boys and Rich's family. I was really talking to them. Everyone else was just listening in on a private conversation. I wanted them to know how much their husband, son, brother and father had meant to me. How he had changed me and how he had inspired me.

I don't know if I communicated all that I hoped to. But I felt the spirit so strongly as I spoke. I felt that in some small way I had been able to pay back a little bit to Rich for all that he had done for me. The funeral continued and I enjoyed hearing things about Rich that I had never know and especially seeing the profound humility and sincerity of Rich's father.

We went to the grave site and said our final good-byes.

It was a surreal experience. I felt so fortunate to be able to participate in the services. For me it was a very cathartic experience. I was able to say good-bye and thank you to one of my dearest friends. It was also extremely physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausting. As we left the funeral I realized that I had been running on strength that was not my own as a profound exhaustion came over me.

It is amazing how death has the power to tear apart and bring together. Clearly death causes the most profound separation that our mortal minds can comprehend. But at the same time it creates bonds that are incredibly strong. After yesterday I feel that I share a connection with all those who were there. Some I had never met before. But everyone there loved Rich and has been blessed by his life. It as if his influence has wrapped itself around all of us and binds us together in away that is very real but somewhat hard to explain. I feel that his friends are my friends and his family my family. At the same time, I feel closer to Rich than I ever have before in my life. So, while death has taken him away at the same time it has also brought him closer.

For me the funeral was one of those "difficult blessings" I mentioned in my remarks. I wish it never had to have happened. I wish that Rich was still here. But because of it I went on an amazing and profound personal spiritual journey that still continues. It was just one more gift that Rich left for me.

And so today is the first day of the rest of my life. I am not the same and I hope that I will never be the same again. That what this experience has done to and for me will continue with me that I might come one step closer to being who I should be.