Mark Winder DeVore arrives

The short version of our story is as follows. On Aug 18th, Mark Winder DeVore was born weighing in at a hefty 3 lbs. 9 oz. He was born via emergency c-section at 28 weeks gestation. So why so early? Holly had placental abruption. After a bit of a rocky start, both Mom and Mark are on their way to recovery.



So, here is the long version.

As you may or may not remember our last episode of “Holly is pregnant, time to bring in the National Guard”, Holly has a certain difficulty when it comes to pregnancies. Though she is quite skilled in many areas, when it comes to cervixes she is completely incompetent. This means that with each pregnancy since Jacob she has had to be sewn up to keep the little guys in until it was actually time for them to show up. Having done this for both Brigham and Caleb we thought we pretty much had the process down. Granted it was a bit complicated but we pretty much knew what to expect.

Lesson learned: Whenever you think you have learned what to expect remember that you can never know what to expect.

Back in the spring we met with Holly’s doctor and laid out a basic plan for the pregnancy. But, as Eisenhower stated, “No plan survives contact with the enemy.” Holly’s cervix began to thin much more rapidly than it had in past pregnancies. Her cerclage that was supposed to happen at 14 weeks, ended up being done at 8 weeks.

Soon after, we joined my entire family on a trip to Williamsburg, Virginia. A few days into the trip Holly began to bleed. Fortunately we had a perinatologist on site and were able to borrow an ultrasound machine from a neighboring town. The baby was ok but Holly was going to be on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. She was at 13 weeks.

So bed rest began. We had done bed rest before, but never for so long. Before the bleed the goal had been to stay off of bed rest. Now that that goal was shattered the new goal was to stay out of the hospital.

At 23 weeks that goal was decimated as well. Holly’s cervix was thinning too fast and her doctor felt she needed to be admitted immediately to the hospital. Now the goal was to keep the baby in there as long as possible.

When Holly was 26 weeks I took our boys out to California to spend some time with the grandparents. It was going to be a pretty good deal. I would take the kids out, stay for a few days and then return to Virginia to have about a week without any kids for about a week or so. After their stay was up my mother and sister-in-law would bring the kids back to Virginia.

I got some time to catch up on work as well as to spend some more time with Holly. Holly was actually doing great. Her spirits had remained up besides being stuck in a hospital bed for over a month and the baby seemed to be doing well. We thought we might even be able to make it all the way to the end of October.
Then plans changed a bit.

My kids were supposed to fly home on a redeye on Monday evening. On Saturday my Mother called to tell me that she had fallen and couldn’t get up. The reason she couldn’t get up was because he had broken her kneecap. She kept saying that she could still bring the kids back on the plane, making it sound like she had also hurt her head in the fall.

Monday morning I caught a flight to Los Angeles to pick up my kids and fly back to Virginia with my sister-in-law, Laura, who was in the process of moving to Virginia. By 10am I was in California, enjoyed a Southern California afternoon and evening and then caught the 9pm flight to Virginia.

It was great. The kids passed out. I wasn’t able to sleep but I didn’t have to deal anyone screaming or running around. As is my custom, as soon as we landed I opened my phone to see what occurred on the world while I had been momentarily offline. There was a text message waiting for me from Holly that simply said, “I am bleeding. Baby is fine but call me. I am a little nervous.”

Holly had started to bleed during the night and they were moving her down to labor and delivery since she was also contracting. My brother (Laura’s husband who had already arrived in Virginia) picked us up at the airport. I ran into the house to put all of the kids back to bed and then headed over to the hospital.

Things didn’t seem to be going well at the hospital. The contractions were becoming more intense and it looked like we were going to have a baby born at 28 weeks. The contractions got worse. And worse. And then really bad. In fact, it became one continuous contraction. I have never seen Holly in so much pain and there wasn’t really anything I could do.

Once it reached this point, the doctors realized that these weren’t normal contractions. One continuos contraction is a sign of placental abruption which is basically when your insides are ripping themselves apart.

I have never seen doctors move so fast. Everyone started rushing around and you could really get the sense that this was something serious. For the first time in my life I began to worry that my wife might not make it through the day.

Everyone performed exceptionally and “Male DeVore Baby” was born weighing in at 3 lbs. 9 oz. (very large for a 28 weeker). He was rushed to the NICU and Holly went to recovery. Things had been even more complicated then we initially thought. Not only did she have placental abruption (placenta ripping away from the uterus) but she also had placental accreta (placenta embedded in the uterine wall). Both cause increased bleeding and can be very dangerous to the health of the mother.



Holly was very weak after the delivery but the baby seemed to be all right. She had hoped to get down to the see him that evening but was just too weak. Later that evening it became apparent that she had lost a LOT of blood. The nurse described her as being as white as the bed sheet. They started a 3 unit blood transfusion (every medical person I tell that to says, “Wow, that’s a lot.”).

Meanwhile, Male DeVore Baby was doing fine. We hadn’t really come up with a name yet since he wasn’t supposed to show up until October. We began making a list of possible names and finally settled on Mark. Holly liked it but wanted to let it sink in for a bit before we finalized on it.

When I went to the NICU they asked me what his name was. I told them we were thinking about Mark. The nurse got this shocked look on her face and said, “We felt like we needed to call him something so this morning we started calling him Mark.” I was pretty sure that Holly wanted to see him in person before finalizing on the name so I reaffirmed to the nurse that we were still in trial mode. From that point on he became known as Maybe Mark.

Maybe Mark was doing great. He didn’t have to be intubated, no bleeding on the brain and no other complications.

Mom was still having a rough go of it though. She basically couldn’t sit up without becoming extremely dizzy. Her first trip to the bathroom resulted in 5 nurses rushing in to carry her back to her bed. This went on for several days. She had every test imaginable, chest x-ray, CT scan, ultrasound, EKG. She got to know every group in the hospital. Everything came back normal. Except for her stool test.

Holly had contracted a bacterial infection called c-difficil which is apparently a nasty bug that can wreak havoc on your bowels. She was just getting strong enough that she felt she could go see Maybe Mark and now she was on isolation. No visits from the kids and everyone that entered the room had to wear gowns and gloves. She was initially told that she would be that way for about 7-10 days. This was on Saturday. We decided that Maybe Mark couldn’t last without a name for another week (he was already 5 days old), dropped the Maybe prefix and added a Winder after to make him Mark Winder DeVore.

By Monday the news was better. They were going to release her from the hospital on Tuesday and she was finally allowed to go down and see Mark.

The recovery from home has still been tough for her. The combination of several months on bed rest along with some major surgery, significant blood loss and a bacterial infection has made it a bit difficult to bounce back as quickly as she would like. But she is well on her way. She even drove herself to Target the other day.

Mark is doing extremely well. He is just about 1 month old and almost 5 lbs. He will hopefully be coming home in the next 2-3 weeks.

It has definitely been a wild ride. We have seen many miracles along the way. I will point out just a few in case you may have missed them.

Holly was in the hospital because she had an incompetent cervix. This ended up having zero impact on her pre-term labor. The real culprit was the placental abruption. But the incompetent cervix mean that she had been on bed rest, allowing the baby to grow, she had received several shots that helped the baby grow faster, and when the abruption happened she was right in the hospital, allowing her to be treated immediately.

The day Mark showed up, Jonathan and Laura had literally just moved into our basement. They completely took over kids while I spent much of my time at the hospital.

Holly had a fever for several days after the delivery which didn’t permit her to go see Mark. This gave the doctor’s enough time to discover the c-diff infection. Had she passed that on to Mark it could have been very bad for him.

There are many more but those have been some of the most dramatic. We so appreciate all those who have helped out over these last few months. We will keep you posted on how Mark is doing.

Is Honesty Always Best?

Today we were trying to explain the story of Judas betraying Jesus for 30
pieces of silver to Brigham. I told him, "It would be like if someone
told you they would pay you $5 if you would hit Caleb. What would you
do?"

Brigham's response was a little too honest. "Well, I don't like Caleb
and I really like money."

Jacob is Walking!

We have had so many exciting things happen over the last few months that it is hard to explain them all. But it can all be summed with the statement - Jacob is walking. As many of you know, Jacob has cerebral palsy and has never been able to walk more than a few halting steps at a time. He is now eight. Some of his therapists have held out hope that he might one day walk, others had stated that if a child was not walking by the time they were eight then they probably would never walk.

At the beginning of this year Jacob really seemed no closer. We would practice with him occasionally but no real progress was being made. We had always been told that as long as he was progressing with his motor skills he would not need surgery on his legs, but if he began to plateau then surgery might be necessary. The surgery involves lengthening his tendons. It is a painful surgery with a long recovery that would involve his legs being placed in full casts for up to 3-4 weeks. Not something we were looking forward to.

I won't go into all of the details but after several months of prayers, fasting and priesthood blessings we have truly seen a miracle. Yesterday Jacob attended church without his walker for the 2nd time. Saturday night he went to the ward Halloween party without his walker. He is literally walking on his own. I still follow close behind him to catch him if he tips over but his strength and confidence in walking seem to grow each day. If you had seen him at the beginning of this year you would have thought what he is doing now would be unimaginable.

We are so grateful for all of those who have prayed and fasted for Jacob. You can know that you have been part of a miracle. Jacob's therapist was talking to Holly a few weeks ago and lamenting the fact that they hadn't been pushing him harder since he is making so much progress right now. She said, "I don't know if you realize this, but what we are seeing with Jacob is miraculous."

I think that Brigham's comment summed it up best. Saturday night we were packing up to go to the ward Halloween party. Brigham saw me putting Jacob's walker in the back of the van and said, "Dad, what are you doing. Jacob doesn't need that thing anymore." And he is right. We didn't use it at all that night. Jacob is still using his walker at school but we hope that soon he will be able to get rid of there as well. This is opening up a new an wonderful world for him. Words cannot express the gratitude we feel to our Heavenly Father for this miracle in our lives.

We'll keep you posted on his progress.

Father and Sons

This weekend I took all three boys (Jacob 8, Brigham 5, Caleb 2) on our first Father and Sons camp-out. Normally Caleb wouldn't have made the trip but Holly was going to Philadelphia for the weekend to attend "Timeout for Women" (that is where women go when they refuse to eat their vegetables).

First I would like to point out a few things that I learned that might be of use to someone attempting a similar feat in the future.

1. Campgrounds do not provide pillows. I really wish they did though since I forgot to bring them.


2. If you are going camping, arrive early enough to set your tent up in the daylight. Setting up in the dark is no fun.


3. Campgrounds are not exactly "handicap accessible" which we learned as we drug Jacob's wheelchair over the gravel roads.


4. Four man tents do not anticipate one of your "men" being in a port-a-crib.

Now for a recap of the experience. We got a bit of a late start on Friday afternoon. The campground is only about an hour away but since we didn't get on the road until 5 pm, with traffic we didn't end up getting there until about 6:30. Everyone was eating dinner so we went ahead and joined them. I don't really know anything about camping so I kept asking people where you were supposed to setup etc. All the kids loved dinner. Jacob had Fritos, Caleb downed a hotdog and stole Jacob's Fritos and Brigham went for the full on chili cheese dog (with no bun though since he is on the Atkin's diet).

After dinner we went hunting for a campsite. It was already dark which made things a little complicated. I brought Jacob and Caleb with me and my brother-in-law Josh agreed to come help me setup the tent and would bring Brigham and Sam (Josh's son along with him). We were able to drive the car pretty close to where we were going to camp but since I had to carry the tent, sleeping bags, etc. I couldn't really carry Jacob or Caleb. So they started walking behind me, Jacob in his walker and Caleb waddling along. I was looking for a place to drop our tent down, shining the flashlight around and got a little too far ahead of Jacob and Caleb. I turned around to see Jacob crying and Caleb with a very scared look on his face. I went back to gather the troops and try to move them along to our destination.

About the time I got found a spot Josh showed up and we started setting up the tent. The tent was actually pretty easy to setup except for the fact that Jacob was crying the entire time, begging to go home. By the time we were done with the tent we had two leftover poles. That was a little concerning but I still have no idea where they were supposed to go.

After setting up the ten it was off to the campfire. The stake had a little program and the kids go to roast marsh mellows. All of my kids really liked this. Some of the older kids did skits. Brigham couldn't figure out why the kids in one of the skits called toilet paper the "very important papers".

After the campfire it was off to bed. There was just one problem. We weren't allowed to park our car by the campsite overnight. So we had to take it out to the parking lot. We parked the car and started our walk back to the campground, Jacob in his wheelchair, me carrying a cooler, Brigham with his backpack on wheels and Caleb waddling along.

We were moving pretty well on the pavement but once we got to the gravel road things slowed down considerably. It was almost impossible to push Jacob's wheelchair on the gravel so I turned him around backwards, popped the chair onto its back wheels and stared towing him. At the same time a lot of cars were coming down the gravel road since they were going out the parking lot. This meant we had to keep pulling over to the side of the road and containing Caleb so that he would not "run to the light". Needless to say, our progress was very slow. We had to be quite the site though, me dragging Jacob's wheelchair behind me and Brigham walking along holding onto Caleb's arm, looking like he was taking him to a detention center, to make sure he didn't run away.

Eventually, we made our bathroom stop and finally arrived at the tent. As stated previous, we had a four-man tent and Caleb's port-a-crib took up some significant space. After quite a bit of wrestling I got all of the kids in pajamas and into their sleeping bags/cribs. Jacob passed out almost immediately, Brigham wanted to hear some stories and Caleb was just happy to be there. I told Brigham a few stories and he went on and on about how fun camping was and how we should do this every year and... then he was out cold. But Caleb was still happy to be there. He didn't seem tired yet but I thought I would just go to sleep and Caleb would eventually doze off.

I got into my sleeping bag. All of our sleeping bags were brand new since we had never been camping before as a family. Brigham and Jacob's bags were slightly different than mine. As I got into mine my feet went right out the bottom. What? I checked the zippers to make sure I wasn't in upside down. Nope. I check to see if there was a way to zip up the bottom. Nope. I thought, "What kind of moron makes a sleeping bag with no bottom?" But I was exhausted and decided to just go to sleep.

But Caleb was still excited to be there. He was jumping around the crib, laughing, cheering etc. I am not sure if I fell asleep for awhile or not but as the night wore on Caleb never calmed down. I was having a real tough time getting comfortable, especially since I had forgotten the pillows, was on no padding on bumpy ground with a sleeping bag that had no bottom. After several hours of tossing and turning I finally discovered another zipper on the bag. There was another layer! I could actually get "into" the sleeping bag. All of the sudden my sleeping bag became a lot more useful. And all this time Caleb was still excited to be there.

I closed my eyes for a bit and suddenly something heavy fell on me. I opened my eyes to see Jacob's face right over mine saying "I want a thousand years clapping" (that means he wants to listen to a live version of a Sting song). I told him that it was still night time and he had to go to sleep, which he did promptly. I couldn't quite see but apparently he had fallen asleep on top of Brigham. Brigham woke up a few moments later screaming "I can't move my legs". I rolled him out from underneath Jacob and back to the other side of the tent. And Caleb was still excited to be there.

This was getting crazy. I didn't have a watch on but it had to at least be 3 am and Caleb was still bouncing off of the walls. I hadn't brought a sleeping bag for him, just his blanket sleeper and his blanket. I started thinking that maybe he was too cold t calm down so I got him out his crib to lie down with me in my new and improved sleeping bag. Big mistake. He was even more excited now and started crawling all over everyone in the tent. Brigham awoke again yelling, "He grabbed me in the face! I hate it when Caleb grabs me in the face!"

Caleb was quickly put back in the crib and I tried putting my jacket over him. That didn't work, the Jacket became a very fun thing to throw around the crib. So finally I relented and gave Caleb my sleeping bag. He didn't calm down immediately but after about 45 minutes or so he finally fell asleep. It was almost 5 am at this point.

Everyone was asleep now but I had a problem. I had no pillow and now sleeping bag. I put on all the clothing I had but that still wasn't quite warm enough. So finally, I opened up Jacob's sleeping bag and got in with him. It wasn't big enough that I could close it again but we were both warm enough that I was able to get to sleep for at least 90 minutes or so.

Then Brigham and Jacob woke up and we were ready to start the day! We had some breakfast with everyone and Brigham had a blast playing with his friend John at all of the great play areas in the campe as Jacob and Caleb say by while I packed up the tent and sleeping bags. Caleb, who had been such a wild man the night before was amazingly sedate and seemed content to sit in the port-a-crib with his blankey while I cleaned things up.

By 10 am we were on the road home to get Brigham to a birthday party. Finally at 2 pm Caleb and I were able to lie down for a much needed nap. Hopefully we will be rested enough by the time Father and Sons comes around next year.

Worst Mom of the Year Award

Yesterday was one of those bad days!! It was raining out and so I
thought I would just let the kids hang out and watch TV so I could get
some much needed cleaning done. Mistake #1. They all really needed
my attention at the SAME TIME, of course, and I was going a little
stir crazy. My attempt to get Brigham focused on something else
failed miserably and ended with me gritting my teeth saying, if your
brothers can practice walking every day you can practice writing your
name!! Oh glory!! Needless to say, he proclaimed that my activity
was not cool and that he was NEVER going to write his name! Go Mom!
Next I decided we all had to get out of the house, so we headed off to
Krispy Kreme (a nice nutricious choice). It was about a half hour
away, but I didn't care. The gas would cost more than the
doughnuts..oh well. THis was my sanity we were talking about. So
with Jacob in tears that he wanted to go back to Grammy Dots house
(for the 3,658th time since his return on Tues.) Brigham telling me
that he hates handwriting, and Caleb ready for a nap, we headed out.
On the way there I called my sister-in-law Mary to see if they would
like to join us. It was nap time for them, so she opted out. We
continued the journey with more crying for Grammy Dot when good Ole
Mommy lost her patience and sternly said, "Stop it, Jacob" "We are
all done with crying." Of course that made him cry more (and I'm sure
made him want to go back to Grammy Dot's house even more, too). That
was when Brigham quipped in "Mom, it's your fault mom, he's crying
because you yelled at him!" Oh heavens....I really am horrible. Yet
in my mind I am thinking....have you not noticed that he has been
crying all day?
We finally arrived at Krispy Kreme and everyone seemed in good
spirits. As we ordered the doughnuts Jacob began doing the bathroom
dance. He said he needed to go and started heading towards the
bathroom. Since I could see it from the register, I let Brigham go
and help him with the door and when I was done paying etc. I went with
Caleb and doughnuts in tow, to the MENS room to help him. (I know,
you are now thinking...there goes her parenting award!!---WHAT was I
thinking!!) Jacob normally can get his pants up and down fine etc. Of
course when I arrived there was urine all over the floor and all over
his shorts and underpants. what to do!!! My van was parked right
outside the door, so I stood in the hallway, so I could see the
bathroom and the van and opened the van door with my remote so I
could see Brigham as he went to the van to get a diaper. That would
work. Poor Jacob hasn't worn diapers in two years! I get his diaper
on and run to the hallway again to double check on Brigham and who do
I see drive up in her mini-van...MARY. Oh thank you!! She kept an
eye on the other kids while I got Jacob cleaned up. Poor Jacob sat on
a chair in his t-shirt and diaper, but he didn't seem to care as he
wolfed down four doughnuts...I know, mommy award for me!!
Anyway, Mary and I enjoyed a nice chat and all seemed well. Suddenly
a man came into the dining area and held up some keys asking people if
they had lost them. I looked over and realized they were mine. (I
hadn't even noticed) I thanked him very much and then I asked, "Where
did you find them? His puzzled reponse..."In the Men's Room"........

The Carillon Bell Tower

Last night we took the kids and met Ja and Laura at the Carillon Bell
Tower next to the Iwo Jima Monument in Arlington. The Carillon Bell
Tower was a gift to the United States from the Netherlands after World
War II. On Saturday evenings in the summer they open it up and have a
bell concert. The view from the top of the tower is just about the
beat view of DC I have ever seen. You have a direct line of site of
the Lincoln, the Washington and the Capitol as well as Arlington
Cemetery on your right and Iwo Jima on your left.

The boys went tithe top and the bellist(?) let Brigham and Jacob each
play a note. The keyboard looks like an organ but with wood sticks
instaad of keys. Jacob was especially excited that he got to play the
bell.

As you hiked tithe top of the tower you could see the larger bells.
The largest one weighs 16 tons.

It was a great spot and definitely on of the hidden treasures of
Washington DC since there was hardly anyone there.

A Perfect Day And a Bad Parent

Yesterday was great. In the afternoon we took the kids down to
Fletcher Boat House which is about 2 miles north of Georgetown on the
Potomac. For $11 we were able to rent a rowboat for an hour.

As we approached the boat Calen started whimpering, Jacob started
exclaiming that he had to go potty while pointing at his groin (this
is what he commonly does when he is scared), and Brigham was wailing,
pleading with someone to stay behind on the docks with him. Despite
their protests we threw them all in the boat.

About 30 seconds into the trip they all changed their attitudes. Jacob
had a huge smile on his face and Brigham said, "This isn't as bad as I
thought it would be."

We rowed up towards Chain Bridge and got to see a guy catch a huge
fish. Brigham had just said, "Does anyone actually catch fish. I
always see people fishing but I don't see them catch any fish." After
we saw the guy catch the fish he said, "Well, I guess they do."

We came back around on the Virginia side and Jacob decided he wanted
to get in. So I put him over the side and he began to swim around. He
was in absolute heaven. Brigham was having a heart attack. Jacob
started swimming down the river and Brigham started yelling as tears
streamed down his face, "Make him get back in the boat. Dad, you knew
that Jacob likes to swim far away. Why did you let him get in?"

At this point Holly started getting worried as well. Both Jacob and I
thought everything was all right but the redheads were quite
concerned. We called out for Jacob to come back and he replied with a
definitive "No!"

I rowed over and picked him up. As we returned to the the boathouse
Brigham said to me, "Dad, you are a really bad parent. You shouldn't
have let Jacob get in the river."

Jacob just kept asking us to take his "seatbelt" (life jacket) off.

Despite Brigham's concerns everyone had a great time and it is
something we are going to do again soon.

Best Uncle Ever

Brigham: Ja, I love you. You are my best uncle ever.

Ja: Brigham, you probably say that to all of your uncles.

Brigham: Yeah, I do.

Play date

I am watching the kids today while Holly is out. Brigham said, "Dad,
you are the only one we can have fun with today. That means you can't
work. Woo-hop!"

Tribute to Rich Lloyd in the Kansas City Star

I was in Kansas last weekend for Rich Lloyd's memorial service. For
those that don't know Rich lived in Kansas with his family but was
originally from Salt Lake which is where he was when he passed away.
Thus the funeral in Salt Lake and the memorial service in Kansas. The
Kansas City Star ran a tribute to Rich today. You can see it here:

http://www.kansascity.com/news/local/story/618969.html

Rainy Spring Day

Another Brigism:

> Rainy Spring day....
> Brigham, " Hey mom, we're all pooped up inside today!"

Rich Lloyd's Funeral

I just wanted to write down of a few of my thoughts about Rich Lloyd's funeral this week. For those of you who don't know Rich, he was one of my best friends from high school. Last August he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He passed away last Friday. You can learn more about what an amazing person he was here:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/richlloyd

Friday night both my friends, Steve and Blake called to let me know that Rich had finally passed away. He had been in the hospital all week. All that week I had known that Rich's time had come. He was very much in my thoughts each day. I attended a temple session on Thursday morning and thought of Rich and what this experience had meant to him, to his family and to all of us who vicariously passed through this experience with him. So, when the news came Friday night I wasn't shocked. I felt a peace and an assurance that this was God's will.

Sunday morning I got an email from his wife, Marianne, asking me to speak at the funeral. To say that I expected the call would be wrong. I hadn't ever thought about speaking at my friend's funeral until the week before. Once I knew that he was leaving this world there was a part of me that needed to say something, to communicate what he meant to me. So I don't know what the right word is - but I had felt that that call would come.

Tuesday morning on the plane I spent most of the time organizing my thoughts. I had been thinking about it all week but that was the first time I had actually written them down. I have given many, many talks and have literally never written one out. But I knew that I needed to write this one for two reasons: one, I knew I that I would most likely become very emotional and needed some sort of a script to keep me on track and, two, there were some things that I wanted to make sure that I phrased exactly right. I felt the spirit so strong as I went through several drafts and thought about what Rich had meant to me.

Tuesday evening Holly and I went over early to the viewing to see if there was something we could do to help out. When we arrived no one was there except for the funeral directors. Rich was laying in an open casket. It probably would have been a good time to go in and sit with him for a bit, but for some reason I wasn't ready. I busied myself with trying to take care of other loose ends, avoiding the viewing room.

Once the viewing began the place was packed. Most people waited about 2 hours to get to the viewing room. Towards the end I was finally ready to wait through the line. I don't know why but I had to go through the whole process. It wouldn't have been the same to have not waited with everyone else. When I got to the casket I just stood there for a moment. He looked exactly like he had when I had last seen him. It just seemed like he was going to open his eyes and say "My good friend Greggory". It didn't seem real that I wouldn't hear him say that again in this life.

I spent the next morning reading and revising my talk. I was nervous, but in an unusual way. I knew that there would be a gazillion people there but speaking to large groups has never bothered me. But it was so important to me that I might be able to provide comfort to those who were there but a also some measure of understanding of what this whole experience had meant to Rich, Marianne, their families and all the lives they had touched.

We arrived early at the funeral. I saw so many friends that I hadn't seen in so many years. As expected the place was packed. After visiting for awhile I went up on the stand to sit and try to prepare. The funeral began. Rich's brother-in-law read the eulogy and his brother gave a wonderful tribute. Peter Breinholt played a wonderful song with such a poignant message. And then it was my turn.

I pulled the tissues out before I even began because I knew that it was going to be an emotional experience for me. I hadn't made it through the first two sentences of my talk before I was choked up. But it was never out of sadness. During the whole talk I just felt profound gratitude that I had had the opportunity to know Rich. At parts I had to abandon what I had written because I simply could not read the words, my eyes were so filled with tears. As I said before, the chapel and gym were filled to capacity, but I can only remember seeing Marianne, their three boys and Rich's family. I was really talking to them. Everyone else was just listening in on a private conversation. I wanted them to know how much their husband, son, brother and father had meant to me. How he had changed me and how he had inspired me.

I don't know if I communicated all that I hoped to. But I felt the spirit so strongly as I spoke. I felt that in some small way I had been able to pay back a little bit to Rich for all that he had done for me. The funeral continued and I enjoyed hearing things about Rich that I had never know and especially seeing the profound humility and sincerity of Rich's father.

We went to the grave site and said our final good-byes.

It was a surreal experience. I felt so fortunate to be able to participate in the services. For me it was a very cathartic experience. I was able to say good-bye and thank you to one of my dearest friends. It was also extremely physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausting. As we left the funeral I realized that I had been running on strength that was not my own as a profound exhaustion came over me.

It is amazing how death has the power to tear apart and bring together. Clearly death causes the most profound separation that our mortal minds can comprehend. But at the same time it creates bonds that are incredibly strong. After yesterday I feel that I share a connection with all those who were there. Some I had never met before. But everyone there loved Rich and has been blessed by his life. It as if his influence has wrapped itself around all of us and binds us together in away that is very real but somewhat hard to explain. I feel that his friends are my friends and his family my family. At the same time, I feel closer to Rich than I ever have before in my life. So, while death has taken him away at the same time it has also brought him closer.

For me the funeral was one of those "difficult blessings" I mentioned in my remarks. I wish it never had to have happened. I wish that Rich was still here. But because of it I went on an amazing and profound personal spiritual journey that still continues. It was just one more gift that Rich left for me.

And so today is the first day of the rest of my life. I am not the same and I hope that I will never be the same again. That what this experience has done to and for me will continue with me that I might come one step closer to being who I should be.

Brotherly Love

Today in Sacrament the kids were a little wild. Caleb was especially
active. Holly was trying to get a hold of him and he was grabbing at
everything. All of the sudden he got a hold of the Friend magazine and
ripped a page out. Brigham yelled, "Caleb ripped my magazine. I hate
Caleb."

We were so glad that we decided to sit up front where everyone could
hear that instead of in the very back of the overflow, where we
usually are.

Oh, the joy of boys...and going to therapy

Greg has been begging to jot down this experience before I forget it,
so here it goes. A few months back I was taking Jacob to therapy and
had all three boys with me, Jacob in his walker, Caleb in the stroller
and Brigham running free. Jaocb's therapy is in a building on Rt. 7
at Seven Corners (a very busy area of town). Anyway, while we were
leaving I was trying to help Jacob get out the office door. While my
back was turned Brigham had disappeared. I looked down the hall and
hollered his name, no Brigham. I nervously leave Jacob and Caleb in
the hallway and dart out to the parking lot in search of Brigham.
Again I holler, and NO BRIGHAM!! I am about to have a heart attack
when he peeks his head around the side of the building to tell me that
he is rock climbing on the side of the building. I deal with him,
high tail it back in the buliding, and there is Caleb, but NO
JACOB!!! You've got to be kidding me! I look down the other hallway
and realize there is an elevator, no not one, but TWO elevators!!
Jacob LOVES elevators! I press the up button and pray he will be on
one of the elevators. It is taking forever and no elevator comes.
But in walks a Fed EX delivery guy. I quickly explain that I'm
looking for my autistic 8 year old who is also in a walker. An
elevator comes and no Jacob. The delivery guy kindly said he would go
up that one and send Jacob down if he found him, while I anxiously
waited for the other elevator. What seemed like hours, was just a few
minutes when the other elevator arrived...there was Jacob smiling his
innocent smile and saying "I go on the elevator".
Needless to say, I was sweating bullets, but so grateful to have my
brood back together. To top it off, my sweet Brigham spotted the
vending machine behind us and declared. "Mom, I want a treat."
"Yea, right kid!!"
These days, Caleb naps at home during therapy (while Greg works from
home) and Brigham has been threatened with his life, if he even thinks
of leaving my sight.

Gladys Knight and the Saints United Choir

Yesterday afternoon Steve called us with some extra tickets to a
fireside in his stake that Gladys Knight was doing with her choir. By
some miracle we were able to find a babysitter at the last minute and
went down there.

What a great night. The music and choir were amazing but equally so
were the testimonies given by Gladys and her husband William. If you
ever have a chance to see this fireside don't pass it up.

True Parental Love

True parental love is picking out the salmon from your salmon roll for
your 4-year old because we loves salmon but hates sushi.

The Cherry Blossom Festival

Yesterday was amazing. Here are some pictures.

It was the Cherry Blossom Festival in Washington D.C. so we decided to take advantage and go downtown. We had heard that traffic was going to be pretty bad and recommendations were to take the Metro but we decided to chance it with the car. Well, I don't know where the traffic was but it wasn't on the freeway. We were downtown in about 15 minutes and somehow there were a bunch of handicap spots right near the Washington Monument.

In addition to the Cherry Blossom Festival they were having a Kite Festival at the Washington Monument. There were kites of all shapes and sizes everywhere. Brigham was very excited because he was bringing his Star Wars kite to fly. We wandered through all of the kites at the Washington Monument and then headed over to the Tidal Basin to see some of the blossoms. They did not disappoint. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen and the pictures I have posted certainly do not do it justice.

We grabbed lunch and the kids had a great time playing on the grass. After lunch we headed back over to the Washington Monument to fly Brigham's kite. But when we pulled it out one of the sticks was missing (Brigham had gotten a little over excited and opened the package earlier). So we couldn't fly the kite. Brigham was devastated. He started yelling at me "You ruined my kite!." How'd I get blamed for this?

We finally calmed him, distracting him by pointing out the Space Shuttle, pirate ship, Spiderman, WW I Bomber and Superman kites. We were almost to the car when we ran into Brigham's old Primary teacher. She happened to have an extra kite so we put it together and after much effort (we are definitely kite rookies) we got the kite up thus grasping victory from the jaws of defeat.

It really was remarkable. If you are ever planning a trip to DC, try to schedule it around the Cherry Blossom Festival. You won't be disappointed.

Easter Egg Hunt and Wii Contest

Last week we had all of the Hales cousins over for an Easter Egg hunt. You can see pictures here.

It was quite the crew but everyone had a good time. Nikolai arrived a little early so he and Steve got to play a little Start Wars. After the big hunt everyone had a great time playing with the Wii. We played some baseball and all of the kid got to hit. Then we started boxing. The highlights were Elizabeth beating Steve and Holly and Mary going at it so intensely that they could hardly move afterwards (Mary was victorious in the end - she has a longer reach). Everyone had a good time and it was fun to get all of the cousins together.

What is your guess?

Holly is becoming a techno geek

Hi all!!  Greg is determined to make me "geeky" and help me take advantage of technology, so here is my first blog post!! I have some funny Brigham and Jacob stories to share, but I'll have to do that later.  I've got to get going today, so that's all for now...

ta-ta,

hol